* shame : baptized by jealousy ~

Listening to: dreamer . ozzy osbourne
Mood: dunno really. pissed ?

ever felt like you said the right things, you did what you needed to do and then... the fuckaroo changes? to be more precise, saying everything you wants to, and then realize nothing really went through. you know, sometimes you suffer alot for just one person. sometimes you give all what you have to build that connection up. and you start thinking this is special, this is us, this is just perfect. the love, the trust. okay. i asked for a fawkin break. now you doubt me, i can't believe. it's like everything i said to you through these three months just is bullshit now, fucking stop twisting the truth.
i never ever lied.

what made me do it ? i don't know. i know i love you. but sometimes that's just not enough to make it work. and for me, it didn't work. maybe we should have talked it over. maybe ?
but we didn't. you're too sensitive. i don't give a fuck if your life have been shit, i really don't. cause that's nothing i knew. so it doesn't change a fuck now at all. cut the crap.

in the end, i never really loved you. i can't. love is not an able feeling for me anymore, it was taken away by the biggest asshole i've never met. i hate him. and he doesn't even know my exist. sad story? guess so.
argh, good god. i did love you. but in a way i can't explain, and you don't understand anyway.
and now you blame me for your pain, well take a look at me. do you really wanna be with someone who just feels bad about it? no? thought so. leave me alone and fuck your sentences about how i let you down cause i never fucking did. you have NO IDEA how much i love you, and if you doubt me now... if you just doubt me a scond, then get the fuck away. really. cause then you're really not worth it.
sorry to be pissed. i'm not mad at you. just what you say about me. the fact you hung up the phone just to write to me. wtf? can't you talk to me?

i'm tired. and relieved.
i'm happy for the choice i took. stop saying it's over, cause it's not. i just need to find out about some stuff.
you know what. yesterday night i talked with pongo for more than an hour. and we talked about all kind of fucked up shit, we laughed like hell, and i'm still smiling! because i believe there's a big chance, stop being such a crybaby, i told you hundred times how i mean this.
listen to what i said, not ask what i didn't. cause i really said it all.
i'm sick. tired. i don't get how you can be like this, i really thought you were different than that.
i'm so fucking tired of your 'i'll change'-crap. you're not going to change any fucking thing, okay? that's what pissing me off, your weakness. believe in yourself instead of that fuckaroo. change yourself, never. fuck that shit. if you fitted to my behavior, what fun is there then? if you have to pretend to be someone else, what the hell is left of you then? when it's you i want?

everything i didn't tell, is because i know you would use it to something. and you're not going to.
life's not easy. cut the crap about your hard life, you never told me anything.
i'm tired of taking care of people who's older than me.
stop whining and get over it, cause right now i can't stand you, and this was not the fucking way it should be.

i really thought you were smarter than this bullshit

* Cliaz . Catt ~